When it stops being enough
by RoShell1978
Summary: "Is it enough?" "It's enough for now". What happens when it stops being enough... This is an AU multi-chapter story where all roads lead to 'caskett'... NOW COMPLETE
1. Overtime and lashing out

Disclaimer: I wish they were mine. At least I'd be living in sunny Los Angels instead of rainy Belgium ;)

Dedication: this first chapter is for t**hecoolanonymouswriter** for inspiring a sweet and sour scene...

**A/N: I've been wanting to write a multi-chapter story for several months now. But I've always chickened out, thinking I could never write something with that much substance.**

**I love reading these wonderful stories that other authors come up with and I was afraid I couldn't meet the standards I put out for myself. So, me posting this is a challenge in itself.**

**This is an AU story that can be set after the first episode of season four. Both Castle and Beckett's "Is it enough?" being the starting point.**

**Alright, enough with the rambling. On with the story...**

* * *

**CHAPTER 1: OVERTIME AND LASHING OUT**

It had been a long week with back to back cases. The first one had been pretty straight forward. An elderly couple murdered for a rental property. Their next door neighbor had had an eye on their condo for quite some time now and had been trying to convince the owner to expel Mr. and Mrs. Sonders, claiming that they disturbed the peace and quiet of the building by watching television too loudly. Having been denied in his enquiry, he had taken matters in his own hands and had killed the 85 and 87-year olds, trying to pass it off as a breaking and entering gone wrong. Unfortunately for Roberta Silva, the woman across the street, alerted by an unusual noise, had witnessed the whole attack through her living room window. It hadn't taken Kate very long to draw a confession out of him. The whole investigation had only lasted two days and by 5PM the second day, everything had been wrapped up.

Kate had been finishing up the last of the paperwork while Castle played a frustrating game of Angry Birds on his phone. Rather annoyed at this point by Castle's grunting, she had been about to send him home when the call had come: a double homicide on the Upper West Side. A 38-year old woman and her baby boy had been stabbed to death, leaving behind a very traumatized 13-year old daughter who had discovered the bodies when she came home from school thirty minutes earlier.

* * *

The case was rapidly getting nowhere. There were no witnesses and no apparent reason why anyone would want a single mother of two with no known enemies dead. A string of late nights and all lines of investigations coming up to a dead end had been taking its toll on the team. Throw into the mix a very unsatisfied captain and Kate was rapidly approaching the point of no-return.

'Iron Gates' had only been in charge of the 12th for a few months. She was tough but a trained cop as well. She was well aware that Beckett and her team's loyalty were still directed at their late captain. Therefore she had been very eager to show the whole precinct who was in charge now. As the team leader, she took it out on Kate ordering her to get her act together and solve this case or she would find someone more capable to do it.

Kate had stood in Gates' office biting the inside of her cheek, efficiently preventing to yell back in response. 'Does she really think we're slacking off' was the only thing on Kate's mind. The detective didn't really appreciate being yelled at like she was some kind of a kid. She was about to retort but instead she gritted her teeth and replied a simple 'Yes, Sir'.

* * *

Castle, noticing Kate's frustration, had left the precinct to buy some food, seeing they were well on their way to another late night. Therefore he hadn't been around for the whole exchange between the detective and her captain.

The elevator doors opened at the homicide floor and Richard Castle made his entrance carrying a box full of Chinese take-away cartons. He found Kate sitting at her desk and she had given no indication that she had heard him approach. He was about to announce himself when she stood abruptly from her chair and headed for the break-room, empty cup of coffee in hand. Instead she ran full force into the writer.

Boxes of take-out food were knocked over and Kate's white dress shirt was now covered in sweet and sour sauce.

On any other day she would have sarcastically thanked him for bringing her food, just like she had the time at the beginning of their partnership when he spilled coffee on her, but after her little one-sided conversation with Gates, she really wasn't in the mood. Castle's mind must have jumped back in time to the same incident because he joked about them having to stop hugging like this and that he would have gladly given her the carton of sweet and sour shrimp; she didn't need to jump him. Rick didn't really have the time to finish his sentence because Kate lashed out.

'Castle… What the hell?!' Kate practically screamed at him.

'Sorry. I thought you might need a break and since we haven't eaten since this morning, I ran out and bought…'

Kate cut him off by yelling and in doing so she caught everyone's attention in the bullpen.

'I don't need you to take care of me! What I need is a break in this case! Not some overgrown child-playing-cop annoying me with his idiotic theories and phone games! Nobody pays you to stay here. So why don't you go home and do what you're paid to do… write!'

That stung him and it showed on his face, though he did his best to hide it. Kate didn't see it as she strode off to get the change of clothes she always kept in her locker.

* * *

As the calm quickly restored itself, every detective went back to his task and the deafening silence that had followed Kate's outburst was slowly replaced by the clicking of keys on computers, the opening and closing of desk drawers as well as the one-sided conversations cops were having on their phones.

Only three people stayed rooted to their spot. Ryan and Esposito were watching Castle assess the situation. Only when resignation and defeat appeared on the writer's features did they move from their desk, efficiently stopping Rick from leaving and leading him into the break-room instead.

They didn't condone Kate's attitude toward the writer but given tonight's events, they thought they could cut her some slack. 'Things are piling up', they explained. 'She has just been chewed out by Gates and the food mishap is just the last straw'

'I'm sure once she's calmed down and has a clean shirt on, she'll come around' said Esposito.

'Why don't you hang around in here for a while', Ryan added 'Maybe have a cup of coffee…'

Castle briefly considered his options. He could go home, like Kate basically ordered him to and drive himself crazy at the loft; or he could stay here because, whether or not she was willing to admit it, Kate needed him. 'I might wait for her in the break-room', he quickly thought. 'One round against a sleep deprived Kate with no leads on the case was enough for him for one night'

* * *

Before putting on her clean shirt, Kate had blown off some steam using the gym punching ball. So it was a much more in control Kate that made her way down the stairs twenty minutes later and entered the bullpen. The other detectives didn't even risk so much as a side way glance when she crossed the room to reach her desk, not wanting to be the next person to suffer Kate's wrath.

When she saw the leftover take-out cartons her stomach churned. She didn't know if it was because she was hungry or if her guilty conscience was making itself known. She chose for the latter, realizing her partner had taken the full blown rage she'd been feeling since Gates had said her piece.

She quickly scanned the room searching for her writer. As he was nowhere to be found, she sighed and her shoulders slumped.

'What did you expect?' she chided herself. 'For him to hang around after all the crap you've put him through?'

Her stomach clenched once more… yep, definitely guilt, she thought

Kate caught sight of her empty coffee cup. She picked it up and walked towards the break-room.

'I'm gonna need a lot of caffeine if I want to solve this mess' she said, thinking of the case as well as her partnership with Castle.

* * *

Castle and the boys were engaged in throwing some theories around about the double homicide when Kate suddenly appeared in the doorway. She faltered at the sight of her team … her whole team as the three men stopped talking altogether.

Ryan and Esposito looked alternatively at Kate and Castle as a heavy silence settled in. Sensing the tension, Esposito coughed awkwardly and pointed at the door while Ryan said something about checking the victim's phone records. Though their excuses were flimsy, they had the desire effect: they made their way out of the room, leaving Kate alone with her partner but not without lightly squeezing her upper arm as some sort of encouragement.

It only took Castle a few seconds to analyze Kate's posture and see the cloud of worry that adorned the detective's usually erect frame. The next moment he was on his feet, walking towards her.

Thinking he was leaving, Kate's shoulders sank deeper as her arms dropped alongside her body. So she was more than a little surprised when he reached for the cup and said 'Here… let me get that for you…', his voice kind and harboring no anger.

'Thanks'. Inanity was all she could muster, it seemed.

His reply was what got to her… 'Always'…

'How can you be so nice to me after I've treated you like crap?' she asked dumbfounded.

'Hey. Yeah, it hurt… but I know you didn't mean what you said' he answered, giving her the steaming cup of coffee back. 'The guys told me what happened with Gates and I guess the food thing pushed one too many buttons. I understand, it's not easy'

'Still. I shouldn't have…'

'It's okay… we're okay' cutting off her apology, gently rubbing her arm, his eyes searching hers by slightly bending his legs because her gaze was fixated on the floor.

Eventually she raised her eyes and looked at him. Seeing him genuinely smile made her choke on a sob and nod. She would have stepped in his embrace if Ryan hadn't walked in and interrupted them.

'We got a lead'

* * *

thoughts?

* * *

**A/N: I'm already working on the next chapters. They should be coming soon...**


	2. Treading lightly

Disclaimer: if it were up to me, they would have been together a long time ago...

**A/N: I'm grateful to all of you who decided to follow this story. I hope I won't let you down. A massive thank you as well to those who favorited and reviewed the first chapter. Reading the comments on how you thought I portrayed Kate to a T made my day.**

**On with the story...**

* * *

**CHAPTER 2: TREADING LIGHTLY**

_« We got a lead »_

After having said that, the detective went back to his desk, knowing full well that Kate would follow. He was comforted in his assumption when he heard the pounding of her heels on the tile floor before she said "What have we got?"

"We might have a witness" said Esposito

"Huh… might have?... How come we never heard of that person before now?" inquired Castle.

"Said she likes to keep to herself and didn't want to cause trouble, but she's been conflicted over the past few days. So she decide to come forward even if, and I quote, it might be nothing"

"Where can we find this witness?" asks Kate.

"Janet Wilcox. She lives in the same building as our victim. Upstairs neighbor, apartment 5D" answered Ryan.

Kate checked her father's watch. It was the first lead they've had in almost four days. So she wasn't about to dismiss that piece of information just because it was nearing on 7pm.

By grabbing her car keys, she signaled the rest of her team that they were going uptown to have a little chat with this Janet Wilcox.

Her eyes flickered to Castle, her mouth opening and then closing, no sound coming out, her usual "You're coming Castle?" on the tip of her tongue but she didn't say it, still insecure about their situation though he tried to reassure her everything was ok. Castle must have sensed her hesitation because he said "Yeah… right behind you", his tone showing no accusation or restraint.

* * *

The drive uptown was surprisingly smooth. Except for some traffic jams around Times Square, which was totally predictable for that time of day or even any time of day for that matter, they made good timing.

Aside from the wee hours of morning, Times Square along with the FDR has always been a black dot on the New York City road network. And today was no exception.

Kate and Castle were sitting in companionable silence although some would have found it awkward and out of character given Castle's liking to keep the conversation going. But given his recent shouting match with the detective, he thought silence could be a viable asset.

Looking out the window, he watched the shops and restaurants go by. When they passed _Nanking_, the Chinese restaurant, he gasped. Kate turned to look at him just in time to see him avert his eyes from the restaurant and press his lips tightly together to prevent him from smiling.

"Yeah… okay" Kate chuckled.

"You know that was worst that the coffee somehow. Coffee had the only inconvenient of being warm. This, however, was also sticky" she said, finally seeing the humor in the situation.

She smiled openly at her partner before sobering. "That was sweet of you though. Thank you"

He nodded his head once, acknowledging her statement before they pulled up in front of the building.

* * *

Kate knocked on the door and a muffled "Coming…" was heard through the wooden panel. Seconds later the door was opened as much as the safety chain would allow it and the 45-year old occupant's worried face appeared.

"Janet Wilcox?" Kate said and the woman nodded.

"My name's detective Kate Beckett, NYPD and this is Richard Castle. We'd like to ask you a few questions about the murder that took place downstairs earlier this week."

The door was closed just long enough for the woman to release the chain and lead Kate and Rick through her apartment, choosing to sit on the couch.

Castle couldn't help notice the amount of books and casually asked her about it.

"I suppose it comes with the job. I'm a librarian, you see. I've worked at the New York Public Library since I was 22. Spent entire days there long before as well. I love the protective feeling books give me. I can get lost in them for hours at the time" she said visibly relaxing a bit, obviously glad to be able to talk about her safe place.

Kate smiled at her partner, always amazed at his capacity to put people at ease and ventured her next question.

"Mrs. Wilcox…" she started only to be interrupted by the librarian correcting her "huh… It's Miss. I never married" she stated slightly embarrassed by the apparent lack of social life.

"Sorry" Kate started up again. "Miss Wilcox, could you tell us what you saw the day of the murder?"

"Well like I said, it's probably nothing and I would hate to cause any kind of trouble" the woman backpedalled.

Castle took the lead and asked "Why don't you run us through the events of that day and we'll go from there?"

Janet thought for a moment and then began her tale while holding Castle's gaze.

"My shift ended at 2pm which I was grateful for. I hadn't been feeling well for a couple of days and hadn't eaten much. So I went grocery shopping on the way home. When the taxi dropped me off, I took the elevator. I usually take the stairs to stay in shape but with the grocery bags…" she added a little sheepish.

"That's totally understandable" said Kate wanting her to continue.

"As the doors were about to close, a man stepped in" she went on.

"Did you know this man?" asked Kate.

"At first I thought I didn't but he looked kind of familiar. Anyway he got off on the 4th floor and I felt like I could relax again. He was disheveled, like he'd been living on the streets and there was something about him…"

"You said he looked familiar. Had you seen him before?" prodded Castle.

"Took me a while to remember because he's been out of the picture for so long, but I'm sure that man was Curtis Jackson"

"Who's Curtis Jackson?" asked Kate and Castle simultaneously, earning a grin from the librarian.

"He's Amanda's husband. The woman who lives in 3D"

"And you're sure it was him?"

"Positive because I saw him with Amanda yesterday. Looked a lot more put together though."

"And you saw him get off on the 4th floor, correct?"

"Yeah… that's what kind of struck me as odd, given his apartment is on the 3rd floor. But that was probably a mistake. It's happened to me before too. I was so tired I didn't realize I was on the wrong floor at work. Took 5 minutes of me trying to fit my key in the keyhole of what I thought was my office before my colleague pointed out my mistake and told me mine was on the floor above us. Needless to say I was as red as a beetroot from embarrassment. So I figured he must have taken the elevator back down once he realized his mistake."

Kate and Castle shared a knowing look. They would have to talk to this Curtis Jackson.

"I wouldn't have said anything but I kept thinking about that poor woman" she finally admitted.

Kate reassured her that she did the right thing before taking their leave.

* * *

As they were waiting for the elevator to arrive, Castle gave voice at the thoughts he'd been having ever since Janet Wilcox told them about Curtis Jackson getting off the wrong floor.

"Like she said it might be a casual mistake but I think it may be too much of a coincidence

The elevators doors opened and they stepped inside.

… and I know how you feel about coincidences" he added.

As the door closed Kate gave him a knowing look.

"I guess we'll find out soon enough" she said, pressing the 3rd floor button. "Let's go talk to Mr. Jackson"

* * *

As they knocked on 3D they couldn't help wonder if this Curtis guy had anything to do with the murder of his upstairs neighbor and if he did, what was his motive.

The door opened and Kate reached for her badge, ready to state her name when she faltered. The woman standing before them appeared to be in her thirties and she had blond shoulder-length hair and blue eyes. Aside from the wavy hair, she could have passed as the victim's twin sister. Castle must have had the same thought because he too seemed to be lost for words.

They were brought out of their stupor when Amanda Jackson asked "Can I help you?"

"I… I'm detective Kate Beckett, NYPD" she stuttered "and this is Rick Castle" pointing to her right.

Castle lifted his hand and gave a small wave all the while closing his now dry mouth making it hard to swallow his shock.

"How can I help you detective?"

"We'd like to talk to your husband, Curtis?"

"He's not here for the moment. Why would the police want to talk to Curtis?"

"We just liked to ask for his help with our investigation" evaded Kate.

"I don't understand. How can my husband be any help? He hasn't lived here in over a year. Only been back for a few days. And I know he couldn't have been doing something helpful to the NYPD in the meantime"

"Why do you say that?" enquired Castle "Where has your husband spent the last year?"

"He's been hospitalized" said Amanda Jackson

"Has he been ill?" asked Kate

"As a matter of speaking but not in a life threatening kind of way" she evaded.

"What do you mean?" prompted Castle

"He's bipolar… Look I don't see why any of this is relevant" she said a little more forcefully

Kate and Castle looked at each other, both their minds making the same educated guess. If Curtis went off his meds, which was clearly a possibility given his state of array on the day of the murder; he could have had an episode.

"Mrs. Jackson, is your husband under any kind of medication?"

"Yes but…" she trailed off, confused.

"What would happen if he stopped taking them? Could he become violent?"

"It depends. He has stretches of time when he's feeling depressed while at other times he can easily be frustrated and manic" the young woman explained.

"Do you know if he went off his meds recently?" asked Castle.

"He was released from the hospital last week but only made it home four days ago. Judging by his state of dishevelment, I'm guessing it's a possibility. I've made him take them though. Now would you please tell me what this is about? Why is the NYPD suddenly so interested in my husband mental health?" she demanded to know.

Kate took a deep breath. This wasn't going to be easy to hear. She knew she only had assumptions but the picture was getting clearer.

"Mrs. Jackson, we've been investigating your upstairs neighbor's homicide" she paused. "A witness saw your husband coming home that day. As you said he didn't look quite himself. He took the elevator. Only he got off on the 4th floor." Kate explained with caution.

"And you think he's the one who stabbed Joanne and her baby?" she asked incredulously.

"We don't think anything yet. We're just looking at the facts. And one of them is your husband can be violent when he doesn't take his meds."

"That doesn't mean…" Amanda started getting a little agitated.

Kate cut her off by saying "I know but maybe he went to the 4th floor thinking he was getting into his apartment."

"Plus, continued Castle "you do look a lot alike, Joanne and you. He could have mistaken Joanne for you. She might have said something, pushed him away, asked him to leave. Who knows? The point is your husband was on the 4th floor at the time of the murder."

"Oh God…" she whimpered, visibly shaking as the reality of the situation settled in.

"Where's your husband, Mrs. Jackson?" asked Kate

"Euh… He… he's getting take out. Should be home in a few" she stuttered, clearly overwhelmed.

After getting several key pieces of information from Amanda Jackson, Kate fished her phone of her pocket and stepped out in the hall to call Ryan, leaving Castle alone with the very emotionally shaken lady.

The call connected on the second ring.

"Ryan"

"Hey. I need you to put out a BOLO for one Curtis Jackson - 5 foot 8 - date of birth 09/22/1980 - short brown curly hair - has a light stubble - wears faded jeans and a military jacket. Approach with caution.

While placing the call, her back to the front door, Castle was trying to comfort Mrs. Jackson. Neither saw or heard Curtis Jackson enter the apartment.

"Who the hell are you? And why are you hugging my wife?" he asked rather angrily before slamming the door shut, leaving a startled Kate alone in the hall.

* * *

_thoughts?_

* * *

**A/N: I know we're going "slow" but I really don't want to rush this. I hope you'll still continue to read this story**


	3. Two sides of a story

Disclaimer: My name's actually Andrew Marlowe. I only moonlight as a teacher... ;-)

**A/N: Ok, first of all, I'm glad you're okay with the pace this story is going and I'm overwhelmed with the response this story is getting. 59 followers... wow!**

**Second, this chapter is outlined a little differently. The first part, in italic, is actually the end of the chapter. Then you have Castle and Kate's points of view alternating. I know I usually don't write like this but I felt like it was what this chapter needed. I hope you'll feel the same way at the end :-)**

**Third, I did a lot of research on bipolar disorder and its symptoms. While I know that I took a lot of liberties with pushing it to its limits, it wasn't my intention to offend people. I'm aware people with bipolar disorder can live a rather normal life, but for the purpose of this story I had to make some choices**

**Last, I can assure you that I don't intend to transform this story into a tragedy one. While this chapter is a little angsty, like I said in the story description, all roads lead to 'Caskett'**

* * *

**CHAPTER 3: TWO SIDES OF A STORY**

_Alone in the hospital corridor leading to the ER, she slumps against the wall as her fingers rake through her hair._

_"I can't do this anymore" she says on a quiet sob._

* * *

"Euh honey, this is Richard Castle and he wasn't hugging me" says Amanda Jackson to her husband.

"I was just trying to show her some support" clarifies Castle.

"By hugging my wife?!" says Curtis Jackson incredulously. His tone betrays his anger but he also shows signs of being agitated. Sarcasm is pouring out of him.

"Didn't I take enough time to go get our dinner? By all means why don't you join us? The more the merrier. Might not have enough though. You should have warned me the food was for three!"

Curtis moves to the kitchen to set the pizza box down.

"Hope you like mushrooms?" he asks Castle.

Rick gapes at the man before him, not really knowing what to say. He doesn't want to bait him. The situation is bad enough as it is. He quickly makes the decision to go along with him all the while praying Beckett is figuring out a way out of this mess. As he's about to answer that mushrooms are fine, he is interrupted by Curtis's new train of thoughts.

"Oh Amanda honey. Why didn't you set the table for three? This calls for a celebration. We should bring out the good china, don't you think? You know the one my cousin Mia got us for our wedding."

He then looks at Castle. "Mia is such a sweet girl. She lives in Los Angeles. Beautiful state, California. Have you ever been to LA Rick? … I would if I wasn't so damn scared of these earthquakes. You know they're still waiting for the big one?

Even if Castle would have ventured an answer for any of those questions, he wouldn't have been able to say it. Curtis Jackson's mind just seemed to be in a world of his own, jumping from subject to the next.

And off to the kitchen he goes, opening the pizza box.

* * *

The air leaves her lungs as the door slams shut behind Curtis Jackson. But she doesn't allow herself to panic.

Kate Beckett is a cop and quite good at compartmentalizing. To put her own worried feelings aside and assess the situation. That's her immediate goal.

She considers knocking on the door, making herself known but what she faintly hears through the wooden separation advices her not to. The rapid speech, the flight of thoughts… Yeah, Curtis Jackson is displaying signs of agitation and Beckett is worried it might turn into a full blown manic episode, should she make herself, a cop, part of the equation.

Kate rapidly thumbs through the recent call list on her phone as she retreats to the far end of the hallway, leaving the occupants of apartment 3D to their discussion about the possibility of earthquakes in California.

The call to Ryan placed; she doesn't need to wait very long for the detective to answer

"Yeah… No hits yet. I know you want this case solved but you gotta wait at least until the BOLO is out to every patrol car" he says, joking at his leader's impatience.

"Cancel the BOLO", hints of repressed panic in her voice as she says the statement.

Esposito watches his partner's features change from amusement to serious as he listens to Kate explain the situation. The exchange seems to have caught Gates's attention as well because she nears the detective desk and asks for a _'sit. rep.'_. Not long after Ryan finishes relaying the information, Captain Gates orders Beckett to sit tight and that SWAT as well as the Hostage and Rescue team are on their way.

* * *

"Curtis, have you been taking your medications today?" enquires Amanda with every bit of caution.

He jerks his head around toward his wife so fast that Castle briefly wonders if he didn't get whiplashed.

His gaze stony, he goes off on another tirade.

"I see what you're doing" he says

"You want me hopped off so you'd be free to do whatever you want; or should I say whoever" his eyes flickering back to Castle.

"Thou shall not cheat – or maybe you have forgotten. Is that what you've been doing this past year? Going from one guy to the next? Or has it just been this one?"

Amanda doesn't seem to be able to connect with her husband and chokes on a sob.

"You're still new at this cheating thing" continues Curtis, empowered by his wife's state of duress. "You don't mind doing it once but several times would have been pushing it, right?"

* * *

She paces back and forth, grateful for the carpeted floor in the hallway. She would hate for the sound of her heels to be the trigger of something unmanageable.

Three steps forth. Three steps back. Stops briefly to look out of the window, out onto the streets and the passing cars. Still nothing.

"How long does it take to get to the upper west side?" she briefly wonders, looking at the street still void of any police vehicles.

She resumes her pendulum action before she makes herself stand still. She considers calling Martha. "She's his mother. She has a right to know" she thinks to herself. But she knows Castle wouldn't want his family to worry. So she decides against it.

Another glance out of the window. Still nothing.

She can't stand it anymore. She needs to know what's going on. Carefully, on tiptoes, she goes back to apartment 3D and strains to listen.

She doesn't linger long; just enough time to almost scoff at Curtis's antics.

"Cheat on him with Castle?" she shakes her head no.

At one point, at the very beginning of their partnership, she might have entertained the notion. Who wouldn't? Girls on either arm, signing women's chest… But now, no… uhhuhh. The idea is preposterous.

She watched Castle change from that cocky pompous author who wanted her to spank him after that first interview to this sweet loving man who's given up so much to be her partner.

The musing takes her back to the window. Another glance. Cop cars…

* * *

"This is getting out of hand" thinks Castle. "How is Beckett supposed to help them if she doesn't know who she's up against?"

He quickly makes the decision and discretely calls his partner. "Thank God, I'm a master at blind texting, among other things" he adds before chastising himself. "This is not the time for jokes" screams his brain.

"Come to think of it" Curtis was on a roll. "We should toast the new couple! What does this new fledging romance call for? Champagne? Whiskey?" he says opening what appears to be the liquor cabinet. Closing it he continues "Too bad. We seem to have run out of those but I think we might still have… "he trails off, opening the fridge and fetching three bottles of beer. "Yes!" he says triumphantly and then proceeds to uncap the bottles.

"Hope this is to your liking" lifting one for Castle to see before pushing it into his hands as well as Amanda's.

"Cheers" he says and gulps down half of his _Corona_.

* * *

She doesn't want to leave her partner but she needs to explain the situation to her colleagues. And that's not going to happen if she stays in this hallway restrained to hand gestures and low whispers. Reluctantly she takes the elevator back down to the ground floor where she meets up with Captains Reynolds and Malcolm, respectively heads of the SWAT and Hostage and Rescue Team.

After the briefest introductions, they cut right to the chase.

"So detective. What's the situation up there?" asks Malcolm.

Kate feels like she's about to tell this sordid story for the umpteenth time and still nothing has been done to help either Amanda Jackson or her partner. But she also knows letting on to her frustrations won't do her any good. It might even lead her to watch from the sidelines. And that's the last thing she wants.

So, trying to keep her voice as matter-of-fact as possible, she tells them about their investigation, Curtis Jackson's mental health and his latest ramblings as well as Castle being caught in the middle of this.

While Captain Malcolm asks his next question, Kate looks at the vibrating phone clutched in her hands, Castle's picture lightening up the screen.

"Do we have ears inside?"

"We do now" Kate says, showing them both her phone before swiping her thumb to answer it, immediately putting it on loud speaker.

* * *

"It's bordering on ridiculous" thinks Castle, his coping mechanism rising up to the surface: joking his way out of a tough situation. "That deluded man is actually cursing himself for not buying them a branch of cotton flower for their one year anniversary"

But suddenly Curtis's attention is drawn to the front door of the apartment.

"Did you hear something?" he asks

"No…" Castle evades. Yeah, he heard something. Probably the Hostage and Rescue team or the SWAT team but he's not about to tell Mr. Jackson there are heavily armed cops out there waiting for the good-to-go signal to take down the door and storm the room.

"You called them didn't you?" he fires at his wife.

"Who?" asks Amanda a little desperate now.

"The doctors down at the hospital" he says angrily. "You called them while I was out. So they could take me away and you two could live happily ever after" "Well, I won't let them. This is my home!" he shouts rushing to the kitchen to get a knife.

"This is getting out of hands" thinks Castle as he watches Curtis getting closer to the door to shout his message across.

"Do you hear me? I'm not leaving! You can't make me!" he warns.

The "me" comes out a little weird. As if it's repeating itself. As if he himself is talking into a microphone.

"Are you taping me?" he asks incredulously. "So you can have all the proof you need to keep me locked up forever?"

"This is not good" thinks Castle while Curtis paces the floor in front of the door, his hands scratching the back of his head.

* * *

If the situation was considered precarious before, hearing Curtis Jackson talking alcohol and presumably drinking a large amount of it; it was pretty much volatile now. Something had to be done.

After a brief consultation, both captains agree that talking Mr. Jackson down to surrender himself is out of the question. Given the state he's in, that might actually be the worst course of action. They could provoke him into doing something radical.

No, the best way to go about this would be to surprise him by storming the place. Hearing the plan being put together by Captain Reynolds, Kate is more than a little worried. The only evidence of that is her silence as she listens to the SWAT team leader, her eyes slightly more open and the inside of her mouth drier than usual. She recovers quickly though: nods to the men as she swallows the lump in her throat.

After being given the OK to accompany them, she straps on her vest and follows the men back through the elevator doors and onto the 3rd floor.

* * *

Castle watches Curtis shake his head no, mumbling "No, no, no, they're not taking me away. I won't let them… I'd rather be dead… but why should she be happy?"

He says the last sentence looking at his wife, no longer pacing the floor, his eyes more clear than they've been all night. Like he's made his decision.

Castle sees it in his eyes before Curtis acts. He places himself between the couple as Curtis launches at his wife, knife at the ready.

Amanda screams…

* * *

Mrs. Jackson's scream is what sets everything in motion. The SWAT team had been ready to break down the door after hearing Curtis Jackson's last crazy theory but Amanda's terrified voice is the trigger.

"Go, go, go" says the SWAT team leader. Seconds later, the door goes flying off its hinges and five black clothed men, protective vest strapped on and firearms at the ready storm the living room of apartment 3D.

Different orders can be heard before Curtis Jackson is subdued.

"Drop the knife!" "On the ground now!" "Hands behind your head!"

And then "We need an ambulance". Another cop gives details through his walkie-talkie "Adult male, early forties, knife wound to the upper arm"

* * *

It is all a blur.

So many different noises all jumbled in his brain: a woman's piercing scream, wood crackling loudly, rushing steps on the wooden floor, sharp commands.

He can't make sense of anything except that shooting pain in his left arm. He can feel his limb going numb, his blood coating his shirt and jacket. The black colored sleeve getting more glossy.

He watches as Curtis Jackson is restrained, the adrenaline leaving his body, glad to see the situation is under control. As he relaxes, his whole body goes weak and he collapses.

He hears a man calling for an ambulance as someone say his name while taking his hand

"Rick…"

* * *

Kate stays behind, as promised, while the SWAT guys power through the door.

A few seconds and familiar commands later, she knows it's over. Curtis Jackson has been subdued.

Then comes the call for an ambulance along with details of the victim and the wound.

"Adult male… early forties… knife wound to the upper arm"

By the information she gathered on Curtis Jackson earlier, she knows they're not talking about him. That only leaves one possibility.

Her heart rate quickens at the thought. Her feet carry her through the now busted door without her realizing it. She audibly gasps at the sight of her partner collapsed on the floor. She finds herself kneeling at his side, gently taking his hand in hers, a little panic finally coming to the forefront when she whispers "Rick…"

* * *

The ambulance is on standby so it only takes a couple of minutes for the EMTs to reach the apartment.

During the whole time Kate stays with Castle, his good hand clasped in hers, gently squeezing it, forcing him back to consciousness. It takes her a few attempts but eventually he opens his eyes.

That's when the EMTs arrive and start examining him. They place a tourniquet on his arm to keep the blood loss to a minimum. Castle winces and squeezes Kate's hand as his body reacts to the pain. Kate's eyes flicker back from his now bandaged arm to his face. Gentle words of reassurance are being spoken while Castle's being put on the stretcher.

Kate never leaves her partner's side. She has to fight the doctor a little in order to ride in the ambulance with him. He tried to reassure her that the knife didn't hit any major arteries and that Castle's going to be fine but she's not about to lose sight of her partner.

They arrive at the hospital in record time and Castle's being whisked away to the ER. Only then does Kate feel the whole weight of the last few hours settle on her shoulders.

* * *

Alone in the hospital corridor leading to the ER, she slumps against the wall as her fingers rake through her hair.

"I can't do this anymore" she says on a quiet sob.

* * *

_thoughts?_

* * *

**A/N: We've come back full circle. **

**And don't worry too much! There will be no major character death in the story ;-)**


	4. Someone I care about

Disclaimer: just a fan...

**A/N: I know I left you on an angsty note at the end of the last chapter. I promise you'll feel better at the end of this one.**

* * *

**CHAPTER 4: SOMEONE I CARE ABOUT**

Her breathing is shallow as her mind replays the events of the evening.

The door slamming shut, effectively trapping Castle with a very volatile man; a woman's shrieking scream that made her heart rate skyrocket and her head spin; a detailed call for an ambulance _"adult male, early forties, knife wound to the upper arm"_ that had her guts twisting in a knot; the glossy black sleeve of her partner's jacket that had produced a fear induced nausea.

All the triggers for a panic attack much like in her nightmares were there but she didn't let them settle. She held on for him… to him. His hand in hers, as much a source of comfort for him as it was for her. His pulse under her fingertips placed at his wrist, like a metronome.

It's part of the reason why she didn't want to leave him. She had to make sure, had to see for herself.

Only now she can't see him anymore. He's been wheeled through the ER swinging doors. Another door that separates them.

"_Authorized personnel only_" is what she's been staring at for the last ten minutes – the only thing that matters right now. Hope flaring to the surface whenever that door swings open; only to be crushed by the sight of another stretcher, another wounded face, lost in the faraway hospital noise.

She needs to get a hold of herself.

She absentmindedly pushes away from the wall and staggers back when she hears an insistent "Watch out" from a doctor wheeling another gurney through those damn doors. "Sorry" she apologizes.

No matter how brief, that exchange seemed to have her push through her rising panic. She makes her way to the waiting area on slightly wobbly legs and when she takes her phone out of her pocket, her hands are shaking. "_Get a grip_" she orders herself, making a fist to keep the trembling to a minimum.

For the third times tonight, she calls Ryan.

* * *

His response is almost instantaneous but instead of his usual statement, the detective gives her an anxious "What's the status, Beckett?"

"He… euh… he's in the ER at the moment. I don't know much more right now but the EMT said it didn't look too bad. So that's reassuring, right?"

The wording is flawless, precise and to the point. But her tone is laced with insecurity. And Espo and Ryan, who had his phone on loud speaker the whole time, aren't fooled. Her last sentence formulated as a question still resonates on the walls of the break-room. Like she's the one in dire need of reassurance.

The boys are more than willing to give her that.

"We're never gonna live this one down, you know" says Esposito, choosing humor to deflect from the seriousness of the situation. "That partner of yours is gonna brag to everyone who will listen…"

"or not!" interjects Ryan

"… about his heroic behavior. I'll bet he'll even refer to the scar as his badge of honor"

"Yeah" chuckles Beckett "I wouldn't put it past him to recommend himself to his buddy down at City Hall for the next Medal of Valor", a hint of teasing humor coming back.

Ryan and Esposito share a knowing look at Beckett's last remark. Their leader's getting back to her teasing self. Good!

"So what do you want us to do?" asks Esposito.

"Yeah. Do you want us to call Martha?" inquires Ryan this time.

"No, that's okay. I'll do it. However, I'd like you to follow up on Curtis Jackson. After tonight, chances are he's the one who killed Joanne and her baby but we still gotta be thorough. Besides we don't know what could have set him off. So why don't go up to Bellevue and see if you can find out anything"

"As you wish" says Esposito.

"Yeah. Don't worry" adds Ryan "we got you covered".

"Thanks guys".

Then she disconnects the call.

* * *

_Got you covered_.

Like a mantra, the familiar statement repeats itself in Beckett's mind. She's said it so many times before, along with _I've got your back_ and _That's what partners are for_.

Only this time it feels like she's failed. She wasn't there with him to have his back.

How is she supposed to tell Martha that her only son got hurt, let alone stabbed, and that she wasn't around to prevent it?

She musters enough courage to keep an even voice when she asks Martha to come to Roosevelt Hospital on 10th Ave and 59th Street.

Although the actress keeps her tone steady, Kate knows she's rattled the woman. How can it be any different when a mom hears the words 'incident' and 'no major damage' in relation to her boy?

"We'll be there as soon as we can find a cab" says Martha.

The call disconnects.

* * *

Kate is driving herself crazy. And the flow of people passing through the waiting area - should it be nurses, interns, doctors or patients - isn't helping her.

Before long the cop in her needs answers. She gets up from the chair she had been sitting on since she phoned Martha to get to the nurse station. But then a slightly erratic voice reaches her.

"Oh Kate Darling. How's Richard?"

She turns her head to the right to see Martha approach with a very pale faced Alexis in tow. She knows that look. It's a _'Let me some time to get my bearing and for my blood to irrigate my brain so I can function properly again'_ look. It usually precedes an explosion of some sorts. A lashing out of all terrified emotions. And Kate knows she's going to be on the receiving end.

She doesn't have to wait long for that to happen. All it takes is for Beckett to explain how Castle got trapped, and subsequently stabbed, and all hell breaks loose.

Kate knows better than to respond. She just lets the teenager vent, all the while thinking Alexis might have a point.

"This is all your fault you know! My dad wouldn't be in these dangerous situations if it wasn't for you. Before he met you, he was… yeah a little wild party-wise, but I'd rather have him on page 6 than in the obituaries!

Since he's been following you around, he's been held at gunpoint several times; has run into a burning apartment to rescue you I might add; taken hostage and being tied up by a serial killer; almost frozen to death and blown up; not to mention almost killed by a sniper's bullet aimed at you; and now stabbed!

And all for what? A few smiles here and there. My dad cares about you… a lot. I don't think I've ever seen him so enamored. "What does he have to do for you to notice him? When is it going to be enough?" she concludes, tears running down her cheeks.

Alexis just watches Kate for a few silent seconds before shaking her head and leaving her grandmother with the detective; needing a few minutes alone to regain her composure.

* * *

Martha is flabbergasted at Alexis's outburst. "I don't blame her. She's right" Kate's voice brings her round.

"Oh Darling, that's not true" coos Martha. "None of this on you!" she tells the detective while leading her back to sit on the waiting area chairs.

"Sure he follows you because he cares about you, but all these things could still have happened anyway." That makes Kate snort in disbelief.

"Alright" concedes Martha "maybe not to those extends, but Richard has always put his safety second if he can help someone. One day, he was about nine years old, our neighbor's cat got his collar stuck on the balcony ramp and it was meowing so hard, it broke Richard's heart. So, naturally, he went to help him and ended up covered with scratches on both his arms" remembers Martha.

Kate smiles at the story before saying "Yeah, but those scratches didn't need stitches or a trip to the ER", guilt still present in her tone.

"No, it didn't. But like Alexis said, Richard cares a lot about you and he would do anything to protect you", says Martha.

"I care about him too" admits Kate on a whisper, her eyes fixated on her hands.

"I know you do Darling" smiles Martha.

* * *

Alexis had been making her way back to where her grandmother and Kate were sitting, feeling a lot more in control of her emotions when she heard Kate express her feelings for her dad to her grandmother.

"I do too" she says after Martha.

Both women turn around to face the teenager. Kate notices Alexis's eyes have regained their natural piercing blue and the haunted look the girl harbored upon arriving is less present.

"I'm sorry for what I said" she offers holding Kate's gaze in the hopes the detective sees the sincerity in hers.

"No, Alexis, it's fine. I know you're worried about your father" says Kate.

Just as she's about to reply, they're interrupted.

"Detective Beckett?" Kate turns her head to the man in response.

"My name's Dr. Winters. I've been attending to Mr. Castle"

"Yes. This is his family: his mother, Martha Rodgers; and his daughter"

Martha's "How's my son, doctor?" and Alexis's "How's my dad" spoken at the same time bring a smile to Dr. Winters lips.

"He's fine. The laceration was only superficial. No arteries have been nicked and there's only a small tear in his biceps muscle. We've stitched him up. We're gonna keep him overnight for observation but he should make a full recovery" explains the doctor.

"Can we go see him?" inquires Alexis.

"Sure, but he might still be groggy from the anesthesia. So don't stay too long. He needs to rest. He's in exam room 3. A nurse will lead you there" says Dr. Winters before bidding his goodbye.

A chorus of "Thank you" has him smiling again as he walks away.

The three women release three matching sighs of relief while smiling broadly at each other.

"He's alright!" says Martha hugging her granddaughter with one arm and squeezing Kate's clasped hands with the other.

* * *

As the nurse arrives to take them to see Castle, Kate takes a step back, ready to leave them be as a family.

"Maybe I should …" she trails off gesturing towards the exit.

"Nonsense Darling" interrupts Martha.

"Yes, come on. You know he's going to be impossible if he doesn't see you" says Alexis to a gaping Kate, clearly not expecting that.

Together they follow the nurse to exam room 3.

* * *

Castle's eyes are closed when they enter the room. The rhythmic beeping of his heartbeat, the only sound they hear.

There's gauze on his left arm. The nurse tells them it will need to be changed regularly to keep the stitches clean and that he'll have to keep his arm in a sling for a couple of days, a week at the latest.

After the nurse has left the room, they tentatively walk towards the bed. Kate stopping at the foot while Martha and Alexis go to Castle's right, not wanting to disturbed his injured arm.

Martha takes hold of her son's hand as Alexis lays hers on his shoulder.

"Dad"

He stirs.

"Dad" a little more forcefully.

He moans and flickers his eyes open.

"Hey" he croaks

"Hey kiddo… How are you feeling?"

"Okay" he shrugs and winces slightly.

"Been playing hero again?" teases Martha.

"To a T" answers Kate. "Although you might want to tone it down Castle" she says looking at him. "I'm not sure our hearts could take much more"

He's about to say something. She sees it in his eyes. So she stops him efficiently by putting her hand on his ankle, lightly squeezing.

"You need to rest. We'll talk tomorrow"

* * *

_thoughts?_

* * *

**A/N: Hope you're still with me... and that you have a nice weekend so far!**


	5. A little conversation

Disclaimer: Nope. Still not mine.

**A/N: Still overwhelmed by the amount of people following this story. To everyone who took the time to read it and reviewed it, I just want to say a massive THANK YOU!**

* * *

**CHAPTER 5: A LITTLE CONVERSATION**

"Well, that was a bust! I can't believe we've just spent two hours in the car. And for what? Nothing!"

As the detectives exit the elevator on the homicide floor, they are called into Gates's office.

"What have you learned?" asks the captain.

"That a trip to Bellevue this time of day could give a same man homicidal tendencies" quips Esposito, earning himself a glare from his boss.

"Curtis Jackson's been admitted under the seal of emergency admission" says Ryan, cutting through the mounting tension between his partner and Gates.

"Which means what exactly?" inquires Gates

"Basically that he will be examined by a psychiatrist on staff within 48 hours and that he can be kept there up to 15 days"

"So where does that leave us?"

"No better or worse than we were two hours ago. We can't talk to him yet, which wouldn't do us any good anyway given his state of agitation; and the doctors wouldn't give us any information. They only thing that could trump the medical confidentiality is a written consent signed either by Curtis Jackson himself or a legal representative"

"Alright. Go talk to the wife, first thing tomorrow and get her to sign this permission"

"Yes, Sir"

"Keep me appraised detectives"

Both Ryan and Esposito acknowledge their captain's request by nodding once and they take their leave, heading home as nothing else can be done at the moment.

* * *

It's a very exhausted Kate that staggers out of the elevator on the first floor of her apartment building. The tension of the last couple of days along with the agonizing wait at the hospital has drained her entirely.

"Girl, I must have left you 10 messages, at least! Don't you check your phone?"

"Hey Lanie" says Kate, surprised to see the ME waiting for her on her doorstep. "Sorry. I've put it on silent what I was at the hospital. Must have forgotten about it" she says while fishing her phone out of the back pocket of her jeans to find that the ringer had indeed been switched off.

"I thought after the day you've had, you might need a little girl talk" says Lanie, showing her the bottle of red wine she had been holding.

Part of Kate wanted nothing more that to take a long hot shower and curl into bed hopefully finding a peaceful slumber rather rapidly; but she knew there was no way she was gonna get rid of Lanie. Besides, talking it out might actually be what she needed to keep the nightmares – she was sure would invade her sleep – at bay.

"That sounds perfect" Kate says smiling at her best friend and opening the door of her loft. "Let me check if I have some dip and crackers to compliment that. Might not be a good idea to have one of our change-the-world talks on an empty stomach" she adds opening the fridge and taking out the tapenade and the eggplant dip along with some cheese cubes.

Lanie puts the bottle of wine on the counter and then goes to the cupboard to find two large stemmed glasses. As she comes back to join her friend, Kate is already arranging some crackers on a plate, pausing momentarily to take the corkscrew out of the drawer.

The two best friends move efficiently through Kate's kitchen, doing a coordinated dance, one never blocking the other's path. Familiarity and easiness transpiring through the whole scene.

Before long they each sip their wine while munching on some appetizers.

"So tell me. How are you feeling sweetie?"

"Drained" Kate sighs. "But other than that I don't know. So many things happened in the last few hours that my head's still spinning from it all and I can't seem to make sense of any of it" she admits.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. This whole week's been such a mess. Gates has been on my back since day one but, with this case going nowhere, it was even worse than usual. So I snapped and Castle took the full force of it"

"I'm sure that can easily fixed"

"That's just it! He's been real sweet about it!"

"What? You actually expected him to be mad?" chuckles Lanie.

"He'd have every right to be. If it were me, I'd have walked away without even looking back."

"I'm sure you would have. But honey, that man would move heaven and earth for you. A little spat is not gonna hold him back from being near you."

"I was so scared tonight, Lanie" admits Kate after a few minutes used to contemplate the truth behind the ME's last statement.

Lanie doesn't prod; she waits Kate out, knowing her best friend will eventually give voice to her feelings.

"When I saw him on the floor of that apartment, bleeding, his face ashen, I felt like my heart had stopped beating for a second. When he finally came round, I was so relieved. It was like I could breathe again."

Lanie's only response is to give Kate a knowing look and smile, encouraging her to continue.

"It's silly really" Kate goes on. "I couldn't let him go. Even after the EMT assured me the wound wasn't that deep, I just couldn't let him go" she chuckles before adding "I even fought the doctor in order to ride in the ambulance with him"

"Oh honey, it's totally normal" smiles Lanie

"Is it?"

"Mmhmm. And strangely familiar too"

"Familiar? How?" asks Kate confused.

"Castle acted the same way after you were shot. He wouldn't leave your side either; rode the ambulance with you; ran alongside you as you were wheeled through the hospital. Only stopped at the ER doors. He would have gone with you if the doctors hadn't stopped him."

"I didn't know that" says Kate, slightly shocked not only by what Castle did in the aftermath of her shooting but also startled that Lanie even brought up the shooting at all. By some sort of unspoken agreement, they've avoided the subject entirely.

"Oh sweetie, how would you? You were unconscious. Besides we've never talked about it" says Lanie, a hint of reproach in her tone.

Kate bows her head and Lanie thinks she might have overstepped, pushed her friend to clamp up. So she's surprised when Kate speaks up again, her eyes still fixated on her wine glass.

"I remember it, you know. At least up until the part I passed out in the grass. I remember the pain, the numbness. I remember Castle hovering over me. I remember the fear in his eyes, his tears… him asking me to hold on; him telling me that he…" she trails off.

This time the ME decides to prod. "That he…" she pushes

"that he loves me" Kate admits finally, looking up to meet Lanie's eyes.

"And yet you still seem shocked that he would want to stay with you or that he would forgive you so easily after snapping at him?"

"I don't…" Kate begins to say but stops at Lanie's piercing "don't give me bullshit" look. "Fine" she relents.

"And judging by your behavior today" says the ME "it looks like he's not alone in that department". At Kate's lack of rebuttal, Lanie adds "The question is what are you gonna do about it?"

Kate rolls her eyes at her friend before sighing. "It's not that simple" which earns her an eyebrow lift.

"I lied to him; told him I didn't remember that day at all"

Lanie sighs loudly at that, like she's saying "_you two can't do anything the easy way, can't you?"_ "I guess you're gonna have to have a real conversation, using actual words; and not the eye-thing you two seem to be mastering in" she finally says.

Kate knows her friend is right. She's gonna have to find a way to come clean about her lie and her feelings. It's what occupies her thoughts after her best friend left; after Ryan relayed the latest developments through a quick up-to-date phone call; and even after her long awaited shower.

* * *

As he wakes up alone in his hospital bed, Castle is aware of a few things although he has some difficulties to separate the reality from the dream:

- Double homicide with no apparent lead – _check_

- Chinese take-out incident – _with the way my ears are still burning, that would be a check_.

- Curtis Jackson stabbing me with a kitchen knife – _definite check_

- Kate calling me Rick – _must be a dream_

- Ambulance trip to the hospital – _check_

- Visit from Alexis and Mother – _check. I mean how could they not?_

- Kate's worried – _writer's imagination, I guess_

- Kate touching my foot – _Yeah! Not happening! That must be some powerful painkillers they gave me!_

A knock at the door before his mother cautiously peaks inside the room interrupts his musing.

"Hey, you're awake" she says, hints of amazement present in her voice

"Yeah. How are you doing Mother?"

"Me? Don't you think I should be the one to ask you that? After all you're the one who's been stabbed" she says. She aims for light but her trouble to actually say the last word doesn't go unnoticed by Castle.

"I'm alright Mother! Really! Just a little cut, I promise"

They're both away that they're trying to minimize the situation for the other's benefit but they're not gonna call each other out. Instead Martha deflects with another question. "You seemed a little lost in your thoughts when I got here. Care to share?"

"I guess my memory, along with the painkillers are playing tricks on me but… was Beckett here last night?

"Yes, she was" Martha smiles at her son. "She's the one who called us. She stayed with us. Even came is to see you after they fixed you up"

Castle grins at his mother while his heart does a happy dance and his brain focuses on _"So, it wasn't a dream"_

* * *

While Martha's looking for a doctor to sign Castle's discharge papers, Kate comes inside the room, two steaming take away cups of coffee in her hands.

"Good morning, detective"

"Morning" she pauses, trying to mask her relief at seeing him up and about. "How are you feeling this morning, Katana?" she jokes, going for their trademark banter.

"Comic books references this early in the morning? Nice! Although I would have gone with the Nite Owl"

"The Nite Owl is a detective, Castle and you have yet to earn the title" she smirks.

Castle grabbing his chest in a fake attempt to be insulted has them both laughing.

Kate sobers quickly though. "Are you alright?" her worry pushing for a real and honest answer.

"The scar pulls a bit but I'm fine! Mother's currently looking for someone having the authority to spring me" he says trying to button his shirt one handed and failing miserably.

"Here… let me help" says Kate taking hold of his shirt, surprising both herself and Castle in doing so.

He watches her with a twinkle in his eye as she reverently pushes each button through the buttonhole. As she finishes, he grabs her hand before she has the chance to take a step back and squeezes it. "Thank you". Her answer is corny and she knows it. But if there ever was a time for it, this was it… "Always"

They've just had a moment. He's pretty sure of it. His mind isn't that muddled from the painkillers. Something's different, he thinks but he senses a hospital room might not be the best place for it, whatever "it" is. So, for both their sakes, he brings the topic back to a safer place.

"How's Amanda Jackson?"

"A little shaken but other than that she's doing fine. Thanks to you"

He shrugs in response before asking "And Curtis?"

"He's been admitted to Bellevue. The guys tried to get a statement last night but the on-call physician wouldn't let them talk to him. I was gonna go down there this morning to see if there was anything new to report" Kate states.

"Give me five minutes and I'll come with you" says Castle, taking his shoes from under the bed.

"Are you sure you're up for this?" worries Kate, knowing all too well the stress of seeing your attacker can procure.

"Don't worry. I'll be fine" he says while holding out his shoes and giving her his best puppy dog eyes; which earns him a typical Beckett eye-roll but takes them nonetheless.

* * *

The drive across town to 1st Ave and 26th St is pleasant. Eager for Castle to be at ease, Beckett keeps the discussion onto light topics such as his laser-tag techniques and subsequent potential win being challenged now that he's more or less crippled. He scoffs before saying "Bring it on, Beckett! I may be a one-armed bandit for the time being but I still have the potential to slaughter you!"

"Is that right?" she challenges him with a side way glace and an eyebrow lift

"You just name the time and place and I'll prove it to you!"

"Alright… your place, first day off after this case is over" she states, surprising Castle who didn't really think she'd take the bait.

"It's a date" he ventures. Kate smiles and nods once, acknowledging him.

As Bellevue Hospital comes into view, Castle can't stop himself from grinning. Yep… something's changed.

* * *

Kate and Castle enter the building, going straight for the EOU (Extended Observation Unit) looking for the on staff doctor. The nurse makes the call and a few moments later, Dr. Wagner joins them. After the necessary introductions, he leads them to an observation room. Through the one-way mirror Castle and Beckett can see Curtis Jackson. The moment Castle catches sight of the man, his posture stiffens slightly, which doesn't go unnoticed by Kate who had been following him closely, looking for any sign of duress in her partner. So she gently places her hand at the small of his back, needing to touch base with him.

"You okay?" She feels him relax to her touch.

"Yeah" he manages to give her a small smile. His gaze returns to the now calm and very much in control Curtis Jackson. "It's just that it's hard to imagine when you see him now that he's the same man who tried to stab his wife; did stab me and more than likely stabbed and killed Joanne and her baby"

"That's because we've given him some Lithium, which stabilizes the patient's mood; and Aripiprazole, which is an antipsychotic" tells the doctor. "Mr. Jackson suffers from Bipolar I Disorder which is mainly defined by manic or mixed episodes that last at least 7 days or by manic symptoms that are so severe that the person needs immediate hospital care" explains Dr. Wagner.

"Would he possible for us to have a talk with him?" inquires Kate

"You're more than welcome to speak with him. But you should be aware that he may have problems remembering though. And what he does remember might seem out of place for him"

"Thank you, Doctor" says Kate as she and Castle join Curtis Jackson in the other room

"Mr. Jackson" starts Kate "My name's Detective Kate Beckett, NYPD and this is my partner Richard Castle. You met him yesterday. Do you remember it?" she asks.

He thinks for a moment and says "Did you come by to eat pizza with us?" no hint of irony present in his tone.

The statement almost makes Castle scoff as the dry retort _"Yeah, among other things"_ begs to be let out. One look from Beckett advices him to let it go. Their eye-conversation telling him _"I know you're angry but don't! He remembers parts of it. Let's just take it from there…"_

As Kate and Castle take their seats on the chairs in front of Curtis Jackson, Kate tries to take him back a few days.

"Mr. Jackson. Can you tell us what you did when you first came home five days ago?"

"I went up to my apartment to see my wife"

"Did you take the elevator?"

"Yes, of course. I always do."

"What floor is your apartment on?"

"The third floor – apartment 3D. Why do you ask?"

"Because someone saw you get off on the 4th floor" answers Castle

"That's not possible" says Curtis, his tone betraying how confused he is.

"Mr. Jackson. How is your wife?" Kate continues

"My wife?"

"Yes. How is she, physically?"

"Euh… thin, blond hair, blue eyes" he answers even more confused now by Kate's line of questions.

"Did you see your wife when you came home that day?"

"Of course, I did!"

"Did she seem any different to you?"

He pauses trying to remember before answering "She might have gone to the hairdresser's. Her hair looked different, curlier"

So far, so good, thinks Kate. Curtis Jackson just put himself at the scene of the crime. Now we need him to tell us what happened.

"How did Amanda react when she saw you?"

"She… she didn't want me to come in. Said I would scare the baby."

"I didn't know you two had a baby" Kate pushes.

"I don't… I mean, we don't"

"But you just said Amanda didn't want you to scare the baby. Who was she talking about then?" inquires Castle.

"I don't know" shaking his head no "I don't know. There was yelling and crying and … I couldn't take it anymore. I got out and went for a walk" he finally says.

Curtis Jackson is more out of focus now than he was when Castle and Beckett first started to speak with him. It was clear they weren't getting anything else out of him, not that they really needed it anyway. So they took their leave.

On the way to the precinct, Kate calls Gates with the latest developments in the case along with her theory on what happened between Curtis and Joanne five days ago. It might be a small consolation, but at least Joanne's family will know she died trying to protect her baby, thinks Kate

* * *

When Castle and Kate get out the elevator on the homicide floor back at the 12th, a roaring sound startles them. As they look around to see what's causing it, they see every detective standing and clapping, welcoming Castle back.

Rick's reaction to the manifestation is a first, as far as Kate is concerned. Sure he's happily smiling, waving and shaking hands. But he's also sincerely touched by the cops' concern for his well-being.

As they near Kate's desk to join Ryan and Esposito, Gates comes out of her office.

"Good work, Detective. You too Mr. Castle. I gotta say I don't know too many men who would have done what you did"

"Thank you Sir" utters Kate and Castle at the same time, both a little startled by the Captain's sudden change of hearts.

The rest of the day is spent filling out paperwork. When the clock strikes 5, Castle takes his chance. "So… How about that laser-tag match up?"

Kate smiles at him but she has another idea in mind. "Why don't we save that for another night?" He seems disappointed but then she adds "Do you think we can go somewhere and talk? There's someone I want you to meet"

"Sure" he replies, a smile lightening up his face.

* * *

_thoughts?_

* * *

**A/N: I did a lot of research on bipolar disorder, emergency admission and Bellevue so I would have a clear picture of what exactly could be done.**

**I want to thank THECOOLANONYMOUSWRITER for her unsuspected help choosing the right comic book character.**

**I know some of you might be frustrated that the little conversation didn't include a proper Caskett conversation but I wanted to wrap up the case story line first. I promise that much needed conversation is coming in the next chapter.**

**Happy Castle Monday to all!**


	6. Clearing the air

Disclaimer: I really wish these wonderful characters were mine but last time I checked I was still a random fan who moonlights as an English teacher

**A/N: Here it is folks, the long awaited Caskett conversation. I hope it will live up to your expectations. I'm usually not one to brag for reviews but this time I'd really appreciate your input... ;-)**

* * *

**CHAPTER 6: CLEARING THE AIR**

Castle has a hard time containing himself. _"I want you to meet someone"_ is on repeat in his mind. Who could she possibly want me to meet? His writer's imagination is on full mode as he makes a list of people that are dear to her; because there's no way she'd want me to meet a random person, right?

He quickly discards the thought of meeting her father or an old friend because he's already met both of them. Twice as far as Jim is concerned but she doesn't know that and he has no intention of bringing up both encounters as they're etched into his memory as one of the most terrifying day of his life.

He hopes she's not going to introduce him to her boyfriend because that would shatter his heart into a million pieces. As overly dramatic as that sounds, it's true and he prays that, given what he just went through, Kate's not going to subject him to that.

Which only leaves one possibility and Castle doesn't know if he's ready for that, let alone deserves it. As far as he knows, Kate's never brought anyone to meet her mom; and the simple thought that that's where they're going has Castle fidget and his palms are getting sweaty. He discreetly tries to wipe them on his trousers; the action being made difficult with his left arm in a sling.

The uncoordinated movement catches Kate's eye and she looks at him rather amused.

"You okay?" she teases

"Yep. Swell"

"Why don't you relax?"

He looks at her. Crap… not a good move. She knows he's nervous and she's gonna milk this for everything its worth. Still he tries to deflect.

"Relax. Why should I relax? I'm not nervous!" his voice a full octave higher than usual; and right then he knows he failed miserably. He sighs loudly in defeat; basically giving her permission to make fun of him.

As the elevator doors open on the ground floor of the precinct, Castle follows Kate outside and watches her hail a cab. Once they're situated at the back of the yellow vehicle, Castle braces himself for what's to come, while giving her a _"Go ahead. I'm ready. Tease away"_ look. Again she surprises him.

"Like I said. Relax. There are some things I want to say to you, that I need to tell you" she pauses "And maybe it's cowardly but I think it'll be easier if I do this with the help of someone unbiased"

"Sure. Like who?"

"Euh… my therapist. I have a session with Dr. Burke in 30 minutes" she replies nervously.

This is big. Almost as big as if he were going to her mother's grave with her. She's letting him in and he realizes how much it's costing her to show him exactly how vulnerable she is. He's not about to screw this up. So he humbly says "Of course. I'll be honored". She smiles shyly at him before turning her head to look out of the window. He senses her need to regroup before they get to Dr. Burke's office and he's not about to jeopardize the progress they seem to be making.

* * *

They enter the building and go up to the 3rd floor to the therapist's office. The secretary greets Kate and tells her "Dr. Burke will be ready for you in a few moments, Miss Beckett". Sure enough two minutes later, a bald African-American man whose presence alone would calm down any anxious individual, thinks Castle, comes out of the corner office and beckons Kate over.

Once she stands, Castle gets up as well – his gentleman's way coming to the fore – but then he hesitates. Kate did say she wanted him to meet her therapist but did she talk this over with him? Does she need a few moments alone now? All Castle's questions are quickly answered when he hears Kate say "This is Rick Castle, my partner. I've asked him to join me today. I hope it's okay"

"Kate. This is your time. You decide whatever you want to do" answers the man with a deep soothing voice.

Kate nods once and goes into the office. Castle follows, shakes hands with Burke in greeting and the doctor closes the door.

Castle takes in these new surroundings. The room is quite simple: a big bay window with panel drapes that filter the light; walls with bookcase and framed awards and certificates; a coffee table in the center of it with three leather armchairs around it – one on one side, for our host, presumes Castle, and two on the other, one of which Kate has already claimed as hers. She seems at ease, Castle remarks. Her position, legs folded and tucked up beneath her on the chair is a clear sign of how relaxed his partner is.

"Have a seat, Rick" says Dr. Burke as he takes place in his chair. Rick's gaze goes from the therapist to the remaining empty chair and then to Kate who's smiling at him with a _'Come on, he won't bite'_ look.

"Of course. Sorry" chuckles Castle

Rick's a willing spectator; so he doesn't expect Dr. Burke to start the session with "So Rick, what happened to your arm?"

Castle tries to deflect with a shrug and a 'Oh, it's nothing' but Kate speaks up.

"We've had… well, he's had a close call yesterday"

Castle briefly wonders if this is some kind of ploy to have him express his feelings about the attack but Kate continues.

"And it's got me thinking"

"About what?" asks Burke

"About our situation. What it all means."

"And what do you think it means?"

"Everything is so meaningless…" answers Kate.

Castle's confused. He looks at Burke and waits for him to ask his next question. Only he doesn't prod. He crosses one ankle over his opposite leg and rests his folded hands in his lap, waiting for Kate to elaborate.

Castle almost asks the question himself, thinking Kate would just remain silent otherwise. But then again Kate's voice echoes on the office walls.

"Sometimes all it takes is a second, a couple of inches to the right or to the left, and then it's over. The future you spent so long preparing for, gone."

"Is that why you asked Rick to be here today?"

"Yes"

As she says it, Kate drops her gaze. Dr. Burke stays silent, lets Kate work through whatever she wants to say. Once she's ready, she levels her gaze and turns her head slightly to the left to face her partner.

"Montgomery's plans for himself and his family were shattered by a mistake he made as a rookie. My mom's life was taken because someone tried to take advantage of Roy's mistake. The life I wanted was put on hold since that night and was almost destroyed because I couldn't leave well enough alone. Don't get me wrong, I still want justice for my mom. But this case has driven me, defined me. It's made me who I am. And I want to be more than who I am."

"Kate, you are so much more than your mother's case" exclaims Castle.

She smiles sheepishly and drops her eyes again. As she fiddles with her sweater, she whispers her next confession.

"When I told Lanie last night how worried I was, she said you behaved in the same manner after I was shot. I must have looked shocked but I wasn't. I may not remember what happened after I passed out but…" she trails off.

He knows where this is going. He sees her fidget in her seat. She's uncomfortable to say the least.

"But you remember everything before that, don't you?" Castle finishes for her

"I'm sorry I lied to you. I thought I needed to close my mom's case before I could put myself together. But I realize that wall would still be there. I need to put in the work for it to be gone. Yesterday, when I saw you unconscious on that floor, I thought I lost you"

"Never" interrupts Castle. She smiles and he's happy to have been able to bring the sun from behind the clouds.

"I'm not saying it will be easy…"

"When is it ever between you and me?"

"…and I still have a lot of work to do if I want that wall gone."

"I'll do whatever you need… including nothing if that's what you want"

"Okay. How about we take this slow. Whatever this is."

What he really want is jump for joy, hug her and kiss her senseless but he thinks that might not be appropriate given they're still in her therapist's office and the fact she wants to take things slow. So he goes for the more demure "Whatever you want, Kate"

They're grinning at each other like fools. It almost feels a shame for Burke to interrupt them but as a true therapist, he wants to know how Kate feels now that this burden's off her shoulders.

"Relieved and scared. There's so much more at stake now."

"It's a process, Kate. You'll have to work at it. You both will"

As the session comes to an end, Dr. Burke extends once more his hand to Castle.

"It was nice to meet you, Rick!"

"Likewise"

His gaze shifts to Kate as they schedule their next appointment.

Moments later the partners leave the office and cross the hallway to get to the elevator. Once inside, Castle speaks up in the hopes of cutting through the awkwardness that seem to have settled between them.

"You hungry? You wanna go somewhere and grab a bite to eat?"

"Yeah but no Chinese!"

"Okay" he chuckles "How about Remy's?"

"Mmhmm. I could go for a good cheeseburger and a milkshake" she smiles at him.

"And that, Miss Beckett, is what you shall have" he says, making a wave like gesture with his right arm when the elevator doors open.

* * *

They settle in their usual booth after ordering their meal. Kate catches him looking at her, stealing not so subtle glances every few bites.

"What Castle?" she aims for stern but it comes out more amused. "Something you want to share with the class?"

"It's just that I feel privileged… I mean really honored that you would take me to meet Dr. Burke and trust me enough to let me in."

"I'm the one who's grateful." Kate sighs "It would have really easy to shut me out entirely after I didn't contact you for three months; and really easy not to forgive me for lying to you. And I wouldn't blame you if you were still angry."

"Okay, yeah… you disappearing for three months was tough but I supposed I had that coming. Figured you blamed me."

"Why would I blame you?"

"I'm the one who pushed; I'm the one who reopened your mother's case. I'm the reason why Montgomery was killed; why you were hurt"

"OK. You listen to me, Richard Castle" she says with a 'I mean business' tone in her voice. "You didn't kill Roy and you weren't the one who pulled the trigger on me and I never blamed you for any of it. You didn't push me into hiding either. That was on me. I ran because I was scared and I don't mean because I was in the crosshairs. I heard you that day and I was scared by what I all meant. I didn't feel like I deserved it. I've been so closed off for years that it didn't feel right to put you through that. So I ran. But I missed you. That's why I went back to therapy even after Dr. Burke cleared me for duty. I knew I had to fix myself if I wanted to have a chance to give to you what you've given to me" she finishes, her eyes suspiciously bright from unshed tears.

Castle reaches across the table to take her hand, his thumb gently stroking her knuckles.

"The day you came to find me at that book signing was the happiest day of the summer for me. Sure I might have seemed angry but I was also overjoyed to see you again. That talk we had on the swings gave me hope things might be different one day" he explains. "So we picked up where we left off, crusading against the bad guys. And it was enough for me to be by your side again."

"Yeah… until enough isn't enough anymore" Kate says. Castle doesn't reply. He just waits her out. "Yesterday could have been much worse and I realized, while I waited with Martha at the hospital, that I didn't want for it to be too late. Like I said, I'm not there yet but it isn't enough anymore"

Her gaze hadn't shifted through her whole statement, eyes boring into his. Castle can see the sincerity behind them and he genuinely smiles at her.

"Like I said, we can take this as fast or as slow as you want. How about you let me take you out sometime. Nothing over the top. I know this little Italian restaurant. It's cozy and private; so we won't be bothered by any paparazzi; or you could always come to the loft and I'll cook you dinner" he quickly adds, realizing she might not be ready for a public affair, how little it may be.

"A quiet night out on the town sounds like a wonderful idea, Rick" she says, smiling sweetly at him, her eyes lightening up at his plans to romance her.

"Alright. I'll make the arrangements" he grins at her, his joy taking permanent residence in his features.

* * *

It's closer to 8pm when they exit Remy's. They walk in companionable silence, a little closer than usual. They make it another three steps before he brushes the knuckles of his right hand to hers. She gasps, bites her lip shyly but deliberately laces her fingers with his. They walk like that, hand in hand, until they reach her place.

Being mindful that she wants to take things slow, he doesn't suggest accompanying her upstairs.

"I should go. We both need some rest. It's been a long couple of days" he says.

"Yeah, you're right!" she agrees.

Suddenly she's a little nervous as she leans forward and gently kisses him on the cheek. "Night, Castle"

If he's stunned, he doesn't let it show. "Until tomorrow, Kate"

He stares at her as she enters her apartment building, grinning stupidly, one might say. But he doesn't care. He hails a cab to the loft, already thinking of different places he'd like to Kate because he couldn't be happier it finally stopped being enough.

* * *

_thoughts?_

* * *

**A/N: We've reached the end of our main story folks. But don't worry, I won't leave you hanging, especially with a little peck on the cheek. I'm working on an epilogue right now. It should be up in a few days time...**


	7. Epilogue

Disclaimer: Nope. Still not mine... Although Andrew Marlowe and Co do a fantastic job with them...

_Thank you to everyone who followed, favorited and reviewed this story. A big shout out to _**Micrazy2** - **wendykw** - **PhoebeLuv25** - **TORONTOSUN** - **CasTLEsandraMatthews** - **gurennoyumiya** and **thecoolanonymouswriter **_who reviewed several chapters._

**A/N: This is the end of our tale. I've had a blast writing it and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I have.**

* * *

**EPILOGUE: BECAUSE IT STOPPED BEING ENOUGH**

_Two months later…_

It's been two months since that tiring week with back to back cases; two months since Castle got trapped with a very unstable man and his wife; two months since that agonizing wait at the hospital; two months since Kate faced her feelings and decided to let Castle in; two months since they talked using actual words and not their eye-thing as Lanie would put it. Two months with their ups and downs but neither Rick nor Kate would want to change a thing about it.

They've agreed to spend the evening at Castle's loft and right now, both of them are getting ready in their own special way.

* * *

"Girl, do you remember the last time we were in this situation? You were trying on god-awful outfits for that benefit you and writer-boy were going to, getting frustrated and then _Bippidi Boppidi Boo_, you looked like Cinderella. Tell me! Should we be expecting another delivery tonight?"

"No, not tonight. We decided we'd rather stay in tonight. Something low-key" says Kate.

"Girl, where's the fun in dating a handsome millionaire author if you can't be seen with him in public?" admonishes Lanie.

"We wanted tonight to be just about us and we didn't want to risk being interrupted by either fans or paparazzi. Besides we've already enjoyed several nights out on the town"

"Oh, I'm sure you did! But you never even once gave any kind of details about said evenings. Is that really a way to treat your best friend who's been rooting for you since the beginning and watching the two of you do this little dance around each other for three years now? Shouldn't I get a little something for my patience?"

"Oh come on! We weren't that bad" chuckles Kate.

Lanie's eyebrows shoot upwards and she gives Kate her best 'you really want to get into that with me – I dare you' look which tells Kate she better back off.

"The first time we went out was to this little Italian restaurant in Chelsea" she relents. "We took a cab and he dropped us off in front of this rustic little place. I could tell the name had been hand printed a few years ago because the green and red lettering was chipped. Even before we got in, this place gave me a good feeling, like we were about to enter a traditional Tuscany family restaurant.

As a true gentleman, Castle opened the door for me and guided me inside by resting his hand at the small of my back. The owner, whom Rick knew by name, led us to the back of the room, to a table that was set for two.

The whole place had a cozy and romantic feel to it. The only lights were from candles on each table and some dimmed chandeliers. Black and white photographs of the Italian countryside hung on the walls and a man played iconic Italian songs on a piano."

"He seemed to have picked the perfect place for your first official date, didn't he?" teases Lanie, surprised to see Kate loose herself in the memory so openly.

"Rick ordered us Osso bucco which was the restaurant specialty and some _Sangiovese_ wine" Kate continues, choosing to ignore Lanie's teasing tone. "We enjoyed our meal and we talked about random things. Everything was so effortless. There was no first date pressure. We didn't need to impress the other so we just relaxed and had a great time. We shared a plate of Cannolis for dessert before he took me home."

"What? That's it?" squeals Lanie. "You don't really expect me to believe that's when the night ended?"

Kate blushes and drops her gaze, a smile appearing on her face. "Well actually, it ended on my doorstep with the sweetest first kiss I had ever had." She eventually levels her eyes back to Lanie's and adds "I hope that little tidbit was to your liking because that's all you're gonna get!"

She then goes back to the task she had been doing before Lanie made her take a trip down memory lane: choosing an outfit for tonight.

* * *

"A man in the kitchen, cooking dinner! Must be for a special occasion or a special someone" says Martha as she comes into the loft, her hands filled with shopping bags.

"I believe that would be both" answers Alexis with a teasing twinkle in her eyes.

"Oooh! Is a certain homicide detective coming over tonight?"

"As a matter of fact, she is" replies Castle

"And the occasion is…" the redhead trails off.

"Their two months anniversary" quips Alexis

"Oh Darling, you really don't believe that, do you? Two months? You two have been chasing each other for years. You've only been too stubborn and too blind to see what the rest of us saw."

"Yeah Dad, she's right! Remember that bank robber case where you and Gram got…"

"How could I forget?" Castle interrupts her

"Well, Detective Beckett was all business up until the time the explosion came. She got out of the van with a scared expression on her face. She looked how I felt" finishes Alexis.

"Yeah. Remember how she came in looking for _you_, calling _you_. She only had eyes for _you_. I had to interrupt the two of you to actually get un-cuffed" deadpans Martha.

"I remember banging my head on the wall for that interruption, Mother; thinking _'Why for the love of God?'_ – Couldn't you have just held out for a few seconds longer?" Castle whines.

"Oh hush! It's not like you could have done something with all the dust and the rest of us still around!" she dismisses her son. "Besides you got there in the end. That's what counts!" she says leaving the kitchen and moving up the stairs; leaving a stunned Castle and a giggling Alexis behind.

* * *

"How about this one?" asks Lanie holding out a deep V-neck top for Kate to see.

"I'm not sure"

"Girl, this is perfect for a quiet evening at home: comfortable but still sexy as hell"

"I don't wear those anymore" she tries to evade but Lanie catches on to her friend's elusive tactics.

"It's your scar, isn't it? You don't want Castle to see it"

"No, it's not that. I'm just not comfortable with it yet"

"Honey, there's nothing to be ashamed of and I'm sure Rick would tell you the same!"

"I know he would. He actually did"

"What do you mean he did? Have you guys been doing something other than making googoo eyes at each other when you think no-one's looking and you didn't tell me about it?" asks Lanie both hands on her hips, her whole demeanor screaming 'Spill! Now!'

"No, nothing like that"

"Then what?"

"Do you remember the sniper case? The one with the paper dolls?" Lanie nods once, so Kate continues "I was on edge the whole case. I thought I could handle it but then every glint of a window, every slamming door … everything just became too much.

My therapist told me I had PTSD but I didn't believe him. One night I just wanted to forget, so I drank. But the alcohol heightened everything and the next thing I knew I was sliding across the floor, gun in hand and cutting myself on some broken glass."

"Oh sweetie, why didn't you say anything?"

"Stupid pride I guess. Castle must have seen the signs though. It's not like I could mask them anyway: my hands were shaking, I had trouble focusing and I was very irritable! Anyway, he showed up at my place that night. He must have heard the racket through the door because he let himself in. He found me curled up in a corner and very much on alert. After a few attempts, he finally got through to me; he took my gun, cradled me and I cried myself to sleep. The next morning, as he was cleaning the cuts on my arms, I asked him why he was still there taking care of me and not running for the hills."

"Girl, I'm gonna smack you!" says Lanie

"And he said there was nothing to be ashamed of; that this scar was a symbol of my strength because I was able to pull through; that I had done it once, and I was gonna do it again. And that he would be there to help me every step of the way"

"Please, tell me you showed him how grateful you were that he was there with you!" to which Kate gives her best eye-roll.

* * *

"Looking good kiddo" exclaims Martha as soon as her son comes back into the living room.

"Yes, very dashing Dad" says Alexis.

Castle stops abruptly when he hears his mother and daughter's comments. "Not that I don't appreciate your input but what are you guys still doing here? Don't you have a class or something, Mother?"

"Give a man a love life and he'll even forget who raised him" says the actress in true drama

"That's not what I …" he starts to say only to be interrupted by Martha "I know what you meant and we'll be out of your hair in no time. Alexis is spending the night at Page's and I have an evening class after which I'll be meeting up with an old friend. So you'll have the loft to yourself. See you in the morning" says Martha as she takes Alexis by the hand and goes for the front door. "You kids have fun" she winks over her shoulder at her son; which prompts Alexis's 'Eww' reaction.

"Night Mother" Castle says before the two redheads disappear.

As soon as he's alone, he looks around to see if anything is out of place; then he looks at his watch. 6.45pm. Perfect! Everything seems ready and he still has 15 minutes to spare.

* * *

At 7 on the dot, a knock is heard through the loft and Castle rushes to the door to open it. What he's met with is a sight for sore eyes. Kate Beckett looking casual; wearing a V-neck cream silk top, a pair of skinny jeans and some black ballet flats… _utterly breathtaking_, thinks Castle with a grin plastered to his face.

His gaze lingers just long enough for a slight blush to appear on Kate's cheeks as she shyly smiles at her partner and tries to hold his penetrating and adoring gaze.

"Hey" she whispers

"Hey. Come in" he says reaching for her hand and drawing her for a hello kiss. Cupping her jaw with his free hand, he tilts her head and brushes his lips to hers once, twice before they part in welcome. The kiss deepens and Kate takes the opportunity to run her hand up and down Castle's back. When they part, amazed and still looking at each other, Castle whispers "You look beautiful" – "You're not so bad yourself, Mr. Castle" she comments before placing a barely there kiss on his lips again.

"So what's for dinner, Chef?" she says, bringing their focus back to more practical matters, knowing they'll go straight to the dessert part of their evening otherwise.

"I thought I'd pay homage to our first read date and try my hand at some Italian recipes" he says while moving to the kitchen with Kate following behind.

"Mmm sounds nice! Anything I can do to help?" asks Kate.

"Salad's in the fridge. Can you toss it and maybe pour us some wine?"

"On it"

Even engrossed in both their tasks, they each steal glances at the other from time to time. Once the wine is poured, Kate takes both glasses and walks over to where Castle is putting the lasagna on their plates. She hands him his glass which he clings to hers and says "To us". They each sip at their wine and Castle watches Kate bite her lower lip; which for some reason he always finds so very sexy. This time he's the one who breaks the spell by saying "Let's eat!"

He secretly hopes tonight might be the night. Kate surely gives him the impression she's on the same page but he doesn't want to push this.

* * *

They move their plates, wine and salad to the dining area and then take their seat. Castle sits at his usual place, at the head of the table and Kate takes the chair next to him; the same one she sat on that night after the hostage situation at the bank.

The dinner is perfect; the lasagna is delicious; the wine very tasty and the company is even more lovely. They make small talk, laugh and occasionally blush at the other's sweet comments.

Once their plates and glasses are empty, Castle gets up to put everything in the dishwasher. As he comes back to the table, he takes Kate's hand and leads her to the couch.

He sits first, his body strategically positioned so she has no choice but to sit in the v of his legs, her back at his chest.

After putting on some background music, using the remote control, he casually lays his hand on her stomach. She wastes no time toying with his fingers before lacing them with hers, dropping her head to his neck and sighing, utterly content.

They stay like that for a little while, listening to the music; enjoying each other; Castle dropping a kiss to her temple every few minutes and Kate's smiling at him every time he does it.

The first measures of the next song come on and Kate audibly gasps.

"What is it?"

"Nothing. I just… I always love this song" she admits and begins to hum to the music

_Lyin' here with you so close to me_

_It's hard to fight these feelings when it feels so hard to breathe_

_Caught up in this moment_

_Caught up in your smile_

_I've never opened up to anyone_

_So hard to hold back when I'm holding you in my arms_

_We don't need to rush this_

_Let's just take it slow_

_Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight_

_Just a touch of the fire burning so bright_

_No I don't want to mess this thing up_

_I don't want to push too far_

_Just a shot in the dark that you just might_

_Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life_

_So Baby I'm alright, with just a kiss goodnight_

_I know that if we give this a little time_

_It'll only bring us closer to the love we wanna find_

_It's never felt so real, no it's never felt so right_

…

Castle listens intently to Kate's singing, enthralled by her voice and the lyrics. He already knows she's the one for him; the one he's been waiting for his whole life. And like in the song, he doesn't want to say goodnight but he doesn't want to mess this thing up. He needs to know though.

"Kate" he chances it. She turns her head to look at him. She must see the question in his eyes because hers soften and she says "I'm not leaving, Castle". She turns fully so she's able to kiss him properly.

After a few minutes, they part, their need for air eventually winning out, but their eyes stay connected, each seeing the other's desire in their mist. Through some unspoken agreement, they both stand up, fingers still entwined and they make their way to Castle's bedroom.

Once inside, Kate slowly divests Castle of his shirt, pausing at the faint scar present on his left biceps, relishing in the fact that day changed the way she looked at her life.

Castle does the same, touching the scar between her breasts; leaning in to kiss it. He locks eyes with Kate once again and says "Beautiful". Kate has to fight back the tears that are welling up. She lifts her hand; cups his jaw and strokes his cheek with her thumb while she smiles, utterly happy.

They go back to their tasks, taking away layers of clothing. Soon they're both lying down, lower legs tangled. Castle props himself on his elbow, watches Kate and is about to ask when she cuts him off by saying "I'm sure"

He smiles brightly before kissing her softly. He lifts his head then; their eyes locking as two become one for the first time. When it's over, they lay breathless in each other's arms. Kate's the first to break the silence.

"I love you"

"I love you too"

They kiss lazily for a few more minutes, both reveling in the rightness of being together like that. Eventually they fall asleep… Kate's head pillowed on his chest while Castle's arm cradles her to him.

* * *

Her first sense is touch. Warm and muscular underneath her fingertips. His breathing is peaceful… in and out… She briefly wonders if he's still asleep, but then his voice resonates

"Morning, beautiful" as he trails his thumb up and down her spine.

The statement has her smiling before she turns her head from where it's been lying in the center of his chest to look at him. "Morning" she says, her eyes already sparkling brightly.

"How did you sleep?"

"Never better" she murmurs before kissing his bare chest. The gesture is so natural and loving that it takes his breath away.

"So… What are the plans for today?" she inquires.

And just like that, they're making plans for the day, the week, the months and hopefully the years to come.

* * *

**THE END ... or the beginning?**

* * *

_thoughts?_

* * *

**A/N: This is it! I'd love to hear what you thought. So don't hesitate to leave a review... ;-)**

**Just in case you didn't recognize it, the song is 'Just a kiss' by Lady Antebellum. I always thought it was perfect for our duo...**

**I'll see you on the next story... And I hope you have a great weekend so far...**

_Love, Cheryl_


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